Laura Lee: 00:00

I am a healer. I specialize in helping people heal from childhood, family, and generational or ancestral trauma. And I'm also super passionate about helping women heal their mother wounds because I think that it is, a special kind of wound, and in healing it, it opens up so much for us.

Fabi: 00:28

How did you end up where you are? Like, what is your story? Like, what's your awakening story? Okay. So,

Laura Lee: 00:39

I like, before my awakening, I was very much a perfectionist, an achiever. I was an attorney, but I became an attorney, 1, because I thought it was a very respectable career, one where I can make a lot of money. But from a very young age, I did feel called to help people. And about a year into practicing law, I knew that that was not my calling. Like, this isn't the way that I'm supposed to be helping people.

Laura Lee: 01:10

So I gave up that career, and that's what actually brought me to Nashville because I thought, like, fitness. I'd grown up as an athlete, and I thought that, like, fitness would be the right path for me. And so I came up here, helped open a fitness franchise. And about 5 years into that, I've gotten a lot out of it. But I could see that there were things that people were still struggling with that, like, fitness and nutrition alone weren't gonna help.

Laura Lee: 01:41

So then I went into, like, holistic nutrition, and it was like, yeah. It took, like, a couple years. I'm like, no. This isn't it either. And I could start to see, like, you know, through my 3rd eye that there were so many things underneath the surface that were keeping people from really being happy and really being free.

Laura Lee: 02:02

And as I started to be able to, like, feel into these things, I was suggesting that my clients meditate and journal, like, all of these really super holistic practices that I thought would be beneficial. But at the same time, my life kind of imploded. My mom who my parents adopted me as an infant, but, you know, of course, she's my mom. She was the person in the world that I was closest to. She was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Laura Lee: 02:34

It was a really aggressive form of breast cancer. And, as she began her chemo treatments, I got into a relationship with, like, a textbook narcissist. And, after just, like, a couple months of everything being wonderful and perfect, it turned south. And, it was just I was, like, stuck in the cycle of emotional abuse and manipulation. And up until that point, I had really been disconnected from my emotions, from my body, but I could feel everything starting to come up.

Laura Lee: 03:20

And I just basically had what I would call, like, a come to Jesus meeting with myself. And it was like, look, if you don't allow yourself to feel all of this stuff and if you don't get yourself out of this relationship, like, it's gonna kill you. And so I just, 1, just kinda leaned into, like, okay. Where can I feel things in private? And I would, like, take these long showers and just cry and cry and cry, and that that was really, like, the first time I allowed myself to feel deep emotions like that in my life.

Laura Lee: 03:55

And I was, like, in my early thirties at this point. And I started going to therapy because I knew that relationship was gonna come to an end. And my hope was that I could be strong enough for it to be on my terms and not hers, Because that just, to me, felt like it would be too painful. Yeah. And I was in therapy for a year, and we would talk about the thing, talk about the thing, talk about the thing, and nothing changed.

Laura Lee: 04:23

Like, I knew why I was struggling with this. I knew it was related to my adoption. Like, I had accepted that after a long time of denying that my adoption had any impact on my life at all. And I knew that it was a bad situation. I needed to get out.

Laura Lee: 04:38

I just couldn't take the action.

Fabi: 04:40

Mhmm.

Laura Lee: 04:41

And just very, like, synchronistically, I had somebody come to me and say, I know this lady who does this weird kind of healing. And my daughter saw her when she was going through a really tough time and a tough relationship similar to yours. And, like, here's her name and number. I think you should go see her. Well, she was a Reiki practitioner.

Fabi: 05:02

Oh my goodness.

Laura Lee: 05:05

So and I was, you know, open to anything and desperate for help. So I went to this lady, and she was incredibly intuitive. Like, in hindsight, I can see that, but just asking me all of these questions and knew, like, exactly what was going on with me. And I was just very open to it, laid on her table, answered her questions, let her just, like, move whatever energy she was seeing. And there was this point where she put her hands on my head.

Laura Lee: 05:36

And when she did, it was like it was like an activation for me. Like, I can I know that now in hindsight, but at the time, it was just like this electric surge that went through my body? And I could not stop thinking about it. But it was like, all of a sudden, I had this knowing that I was more than just like a mind, body, and I knew that I had a soul. Yeah.

Laura Lee: 06:01

But it was like my soul lit up, and I knew that there was this energy system inside of me and that everything that I was was connected to something much bigger than me.

Fabi: 06:11

Wow.

Laura Lee: 06:11

I believed in God my whole life, but it was just like this new idea of what God was and how much energy is on the other side, like, what's unseen. And so after that, I wanted to come back to this lady immediately. But she was booked for, like, 3 months at a time. I was like, I can't wait that long.

Fabi: 06:34

Yeah.

Laura Lee: 06:34

And so all of a sudden, this other healer started popping up. Like, I would see her out in public. Mhmm. She was popping up on my social media, and I reached out to her because I wasn't still needing support. Like, I wasn't in a place to get out of that relationship at the time.

Laura Lee: 06:52

So I reached out to her, and I was like, hey. I'm not exactly sure what you do, but I feel like you can help me. Here's what I'm going through. And she instantly wrote back. She's like, come see me.

Laura Lee: 07:02

And long story short, she is a family Constellation's facilitator. Sitting down and talking with her was the first time that I really felt safe to actually fully look at my origin story, and to be open to understanding and connecting with the people that you know, where I came from. And she and I did a couple of 1 on 1 sessions, and then she invited me to go on a retreat with her to Joshua Tree. And I received, like, a big group constellation when I was there that centered around my mom, my birth mother, myself. Like, when you're in family constellation work, which is something that I facilitate now, Obviously, I was really drawn to it after it changed my life.

Laura Lee: 07:53

But when you're struggling in a relationship, we always look at what's going on with your relationship with your mother and in that maternal line. So that's what we looked at, and literally, I got back from that retreat, and I was ready to, like, set boundaries, cut ties, and walk away. So, yeah, that is, like, the long version of my awakening. And then when I got into a better place, like, had walked away from that relationship and was feeling, like, strong and connected to myself. Beau Heeler who had helped me, she was like, well, how long are you gonna keep doing the work that you're doing?

Laura Lee: 08:31

Because I was still doing the holistic nutrition. I was like, I don't know. I love my work. Why? She's like, well, I what I'm seeing is that it's in your path to become a healer too.

Laura Lee: 08:41

So I just wanted to put that out there, and I'm like, what do I do with this information? She's like, oh, you already are. You just, you know, you just embrace it and then you kinda lean into whatever modalities that you're drawn to because that'll be really special in how you help people. Yeah. Then it was your 2nd awakening.

Laura Lee: 09:03

Yeah. The

Fabi: 09:03

next awakening was, okay. Now I'm awake. And now you're like,

Laura Lee: 09:06

oh, now I'm a healer.

Fabi: 09:07

Now I'm a healer. And then for any healers out there, you know that that's a whole other thing

Laura Lee: 09:13

to

Fabi: 09:13

step into. And it's like, thanks for that. Thanks for that. Okay. So you touched on the garment constellations, and I wanna make sure we we we talk about that because I just randomly same thing found you because I wanted to start doing some ancestral healing work, and I found out a plan about family constellations.

Fabi: 09:33

And the first time we spoke about it, I was like, I can't find anything online about family constellations. Or it's like, what is this thing? It's it's it's really hard to conceptualize it and to explain what it is. And, you know, people always say you need to experience it first, and I agree because we did one together. And I you know, it was a group one.

Fabi: 09:57

And it was when I say it was one of the coolest experience that I've ever experienced, it was really interesting, because I wouldn't have believed probably pre waking up that any of the things that came through in that group and in that session was real, or I would have thought that it was all made up. But seeing it firsthand is, like, one of those things where I'm like, oh my goodness. I it kind of opened me up to the knowing field, and I want you to explain what that is because I think that kind of when you explained that, I was like, okay. Because everything is energy, and the fact that none of the people that were represented really knew anything about anyone there, and they were able to kind of step into that role Mhmm. And be be able to support and know what's going on and, like, feel all the things.

Fabi: 10:55

So I'm very much jumping ahead. How about we take a step back? Talk about, like, what is Family Constellations and, like, what would a session look like, if someone comes to work with you?

Laura Lee: 11:07

Yeah. Okay. So I will say, you know, this is one of the first things that I was taught about family constellations. It's exactly how you described it. Like, I can sit here and talk about the process, but the work itself is described as phenomenological, and that definition is that, it is something that you truly have to experience to understand, which people are like, okay.

Laura Lee: 11:33

Is this even real? But, you know, like, you've experienced it and you understand why it's described that way. But the best way that I describe can describe it is very similar to what you already said, but it is just a way for us to access the energy of our family system. And that includes, obviously, ourselves and our immediate family, but also I our entire ancestry, because, obviously, like, our ancestors are no longer here. But energetically, it gives us a way to connect with them.

Laura Lee: 12:09

And, a lot of the things that we struggle with, whether it's, patterns that we keep repeating or things in our life that make us feel like we're struck we're stuck and we're, like, living in this loop where we run into the same problem over and over again. 99% of the time, that stuff did not start with us. It is something that has been passed on from generation to generation, and the reason that it's so frustrating and sometimes so painful is because it so desperately wants to be seen so it can finally be resolved. And that's, really, like, where pain and where struggles and repetitive patterns come from. It's something within that system that needs to be acknowledged because it's been suppressed or kept secret, or something is out of order because there is a proper order in every system.

Laura Lee: 13:17

Mhmm. And when that's gotten out of order, it needs to be acknowledged and shifted or, something that belongs in the system, which everything in a system has a place. Yeah. So if it's been excluded, it's gonna pop up and be one of those things that keeps continuing on until we can say, hey. This was excluded and we need the hold space for it and allow it to belong in the system again.

Fabi: 13:43

Mhmm. Okay. So when you say system, what I hear is that, you know, this this form of therapy that's called internal family systems Mhmm. Which is kind of like your internal system Mhmm. And voices of yourself as you've as you can kind of personalify and talk to each other.

Fabi: 14:00

And so when you say systems, talk a little bit a bit more about that. Like, how is the family a system?

Laura Lee: 14:08

Well, I would say primarily because we're all connected. We're all connected energetically, and then, like, you're all you're connected through your DNA as well. Yeah. And, like, Constellation work extends beyond just the family. Like, every I think everything in our world is, like, some kind of system that's all connected, and it can go as big as, like, the conscious collective.

Laura Lee: 14:38

And every human being on this planet. Like, we are all part of the system. Like, a community is a system. A business, a huge organization is some kind of system. But even yourself, like, think of all the systems that are within just our body.

Fabi: 14:54

Mhmm. Yeah. It's amazing when you to talk about that because I think you mentioned during our session that someone did a internal fam did a family consolation on, like, someone's liver. Yeah. That's insane.

Fabi: 15:06

Yeah. Because it's like, how do you like, I I have so many questions. Like, how do you do that?

Laura Lee: 15:12

I think like the easiest way to think about it when you're like, well, what is a system? You have to think of it as a group that's all connected and they're all of these individual parts, but all of those parts make up a whole. Yeah. And when one of the parts or some of the parts are stuck or out of whack Yeah. It's going to affect the whole system.

Laura Lee: 15:35

And that's really how it works with the family system too. Yeah. Like, you're all connected. You're all a part of this whole. Mhmm.

Laura Lee: 15:42

But when something is kinda out of place, or something's not working within that system, it is going to impact the whole system. And the impact is within a family or I think with any within any system is that love. Like, if you think of the energy of love being able to flow to everyone in that system freely, It's that something's happened that has stopped the love from flowing.

Fabi: 16:09

Yeah. And when I'm a boss and I know you do as well, I'm really and I when you say that I hear the same thing, it's like when you move energy through the body, it's not gonna flow if there's a block Mhmm. Or if there's a leak or, you know, there's something stuck there. And so similarly moving the energy through, it if the if if every piece isn't in its place where it needs to be, because every like you said, every person in the family has a role. Yeah.

Fabi: 16:39

And if if there's a kind of a blockage, then this energy can flow, and that kind of creates strife in the family. Mhmm. And so okay. I I'm gonna kind of share a little bit about what we did for me and what my session was because I think what was helpful what I think would be helpful and when I was trying to find information about, family consultations is just kind of visualizing what exactly do you do during these. Like, what is the because if, you know, I understand what Rick is and what you, you know, you lay down and someone might either touches you or don't touch you or you therapy.

Fabi: 17:16

But the biggest question I had before I did my session, my group session was, what is gonna happen? And so in the direct way, I'm missing something or whatever. But so we had a group of people. I think it was, like, 8 8 people Mhmm. That I've never met before.

Fabi: 17:33

I met I met you before, but I hadn't met any of the other people. I think I met one other person, but they didn't know each other at all. And you opened up with, an introduction, understanding. We did a meditation. We'll talk a little bit more about the knowing field after this, but you kind of helped us meditate in the ground and and kind of become present.

Fabi: 17:54

And I personally did one for me, and then someone else did one later. So I had the opportunity to be the person who the family consolation was done for, and then I was able to be a representative for the other person, which was really cool because I was able to really feel my body, what it was like to be a representative, and then I also could feel I could kind of be a witness as well as be the person that it's being done for. Okay. And so we started with a meditation, and then, I kind of came and sat sat stood next to you and you had me. We decided beforehand that we're gonna do myself, my mom, and my dad would be kind of where we started.

Fabi: 18:33

Mhmm. And as you ex explained, you can do it over any person, anyone, anyone in your family can go further than that. But we decided to know it was my first one, and that's kind of where I wanted to start. We're gonna start with, you know, those people in my life. And, you asked me to identify someone intuitively that could represent myself.

Fabi: 18:52

Mhmm.

Laura Lee: 18:53

And

Fabi: 18:53

so I asked someone to do that. And this was the coolest part to me was, like, I asked her to do that, and I she stood up, and then you had me place her in a room a certain way. And then so I did that, and this was all done intuitively. Like, you didn't you didn't really give instructions, like, I felt really safe because we you explained it very well, and I felt like I could listen to my body. I could really just kind of there wasn't anything like, there's no wrong way of doing it.

Fabi: 19:22

It was kinda what feels right. So I placed her in a room a certain way, and then you asked me to identify someone that would be my mom and then someone that would be my would represent my dad, and I asked them if they would represent. And those people agreed to represent these people in my life, and I placed all of them. And then once I placed them, we stepped back and looked at it. And the cool thing to me was that I was able to be a witness of this whole thing without being in that energy myself.

Laura Lee: 19:52

Yeah.

Fabi: 19:52

Because I think sometimes with, with talk therapy, a lot of it is retraumatizing and going through that, talking about, you know, those experiences and feeling it. I did feel a lot doing it, but it wasn't. I was able to kind of be detached, which was really helpful, I think. Mhmm. Especially if you're trauma survivors.

Fabi: 20:09

I I really always think of these types of modalities and think of them If they're trauma informed, then I would say that to the most what I've seen is pretty trauma informed when it comes to, you know, family constellations. But, anyway, so when we looked at the placement of these people, so I was I the person who was representing me was standing, looking a certain way, and then my mom, the person that represented my mom, was standing kind of to the side of her but not looking at her. And then my dad was also stand the person who lived in my dad was also standing there. And he I I don't remember how it was based. But, ultimately, we went to go ask each of those people.

Fabi: 20:52

You went to go ask these people what they're feeling. And what was interesting was when you went to my mom, she the person that was representing her, she was like, I feel like I'm gonna throw up, or there's something stuck in my throat. And I was like, that is so weird because my my mom in real life has always had, like, gestational issues, and she's always, like, burped a lot. And she was the woman was like, oh, yeah. I really feel that it's really heavy.

Fabi: 21:20

And you asked her if she knew that there were people behind her, which was that part was really interesting just from an energetic perspective that the person representing my mom was like, I know that they're there, but I don't wanna turn around. Mhmm. I don't wanna see them. I I kind of wanna stay stay looking away from them because I don't want to be involved in what's happening there. And that was very indicative of the relationship that my parents had, me and my dad and my mom.

Fabi: 21:48

My mom was very much kind of there, but not like that. She always kind of let let us figure our own stuff out. So this person, again, had no idea about my family dynamics, but she could feel that by just representing that person. And then at some point, you asked me if there's someone in my mom's family history that could come in to support her because she was really struggling, or this person was really struggling that was representing my mom. And I brought in my great grandma and asked someone to represent her.

Fabi: 22:21

And as soon as my great grandma, like, placed her hand on the person representing my mom, she immediately felt, like, relief from this, like, heavy feeling and then was able to turn around Mhmm. Because she got that support. And then once she was able to turn around, she was able to then, you know, support me or the person representing me. And as soon as that those 3 women were standing behind each other in in kind of the correct position, which which should be you, your mom, and then, you know, your grandma or whoever, like Mhmm. All supporting each other, we could palpably feel the, like, the feminine line or, like, be corrected.

Fabi: 23:05

Mhmm. Right? And it was again, I had no idea what was gonna happen, but I I intuitively knew that there was some type of blockage happening from because I was always connected to my grand grandma and everyone after that, but I felt like there wasn't that connection between me and my mom. And then so kind of fixing that that, like, block Mhmm. That break was able to flow through all of that support towards me.

Fabi: 23:37

Mhmm. And the other thing that was interesting is the person I asked to represent my dad was the only guy there, and he was really big. And it was interesting because at some point, we turned to face each other, and everyone in the room even said afterwards that they felt like there there was a very intimidating feeling that happened. Mhmm. And the one woman was even, like, she wanted to come and, like, stand between us because she was, like, trying to protect me.

Laura Lee: 24:02

Protect you.

Fabi: 24:04

And at some point, you asked my dad before this whole, like, correction happened with the feminine line. You asked my the person representing my dad if he kind of recognized me as his daughter. And he said no up until the point where he could but after the adjustment, he was like, I felt that. Mhmm. And I can now go stand behind her and support her, and that's kind of where we ended things.

Fabi: 24:35

But there's there were so many aspects of that whole situation, again, that the dynamics played out energetically that were true in real life. Mhmm. And that that whole thing since then, because we did it about a month ago, and one of the things we talked about is, like, really giving it time to integrate because there's a lot energetic that happened there. It really has opened for me personally up the opportunity and even just the willingness to work on my father wound and my mother wound Mhmm. Which has been something that, like, I've been, like, putting on the shelf for a while, and I was like, I'm not ready for that.

Fabi: 25:17

But I really feel like that whole thing that we did really kind of helped me feel confident and comfortable enough to go into those wounds and be able to start working on them. The the most amazing part for me as someone who has complex PTSD and someone who has experienced trauma, specifically around my family unit as well was that I did not have to confront my parents about this. Mhmm. I didn't have to retraumatize myself. Mhmm.

Fabi: 25:49

I didn't have to even tell them that I was doing this. It is it's amazing that you it is possible for us to work in the knowing field in such a way that you don't even have to know your parents. Right? Like, you could be adopted. Like, that's what happened in the second whatever second one we did.

Fabi: 26:07

You could be adopted, or there's so many there could be pieces of people that's no longer living or that you know, there's there's always different pieces that you don't have to go if there's a relationship where there's an estranged situation or whatever with with family members, this work does not require you to go and, like, re traumatize yourself and go open those wounds. And if you want to after or if you want to, obviously, repair this relationship, But ultimately, it's about you working on yourself and being able to forgive and move on and that not not long that let it no longer, like, impact your life. And maybe that person isn't ready for that. And so I think traditional psychology a lot of times talks about, oh, you need to go and have that uncomfortable conversation. Mhmm.

Fabi: 26:57

So you need to go repair. But it doesn't mean that the person is ready to repair. Right. And so then that you're kind of in that stuck place where you're, like, keep hitting your head against the wall. And, working on this was like, oh my gosh.

Fabi: 27:14

All of this happened, and I I didn't have to have one conversation with my parents, which is just amazing.

Laura Lee: 27:21

Yeah. I mean, I'm glad you said that. That is probably the one thing that I want everybody to, like, really know and understand about this work because, you know, like, when I use my social media platform to talk about the work that I do, I think that's, like the biggest misconception is that people don't want to look at their family stuff because of exactly what you just said. Because they think that they're gonna have to have, the uncomfortable conversations. That's a question people ask me all the time.

Laura Lee: 27:53

If I receive a consolation, does my family have to be there? Because that's their assumption. And then also, I think that people assume that when they start to look at this stuff that they are gonna be standing in their trauma all over again. And it's something that's really difficult to explain, but you explained it beautifully, like, as you talked about your experience that you have someone else standing in for you. So you really get it's not that you're completely detached, but you do get to have this bird's eye view of what happened.

Laura Lee: 28:28

And it allows you to see things from the perspective of your other family members, which I think is really beautiful.

Fabi: 28:35

Yeah. And And you can have so much more empathy

Laura Lee: 28:37

Mhmm.

Fabi: 28:38

And, compassion for that for them because it is hard as the person who has been traumatized, especially if you have inner child things and your inner child shows up. It's really hard to see your parents and your family members as people that have their own stuff and that also needs support. And so then when you can step out of that and these total strangers can step into those roles, it's very it's safe and it's less, it's not as triggering Mhmm. Because you're not bringing up specific situations. It's all just emotion.

Speaker 2: 29:14

It's all energy. You ask these people what are you feeling, and they just tell you what you're feeling. And for me, I'm someone who I love to make sense of things. So, like, I was trying to, like, oh, what does that mean? But you don't necessarily have to do that.

Speaker 2: 29:31

You don't have to go and, like, try and make sense of it. It can only be working through these things and then, you know, processing whatever happens afterwards. So talk a little bit about the knowing field. Like, what is that if someone's never heard of the knowing field?

Speaker 1: 29:49

The knowing field, I think, is a term that was coined by the guy who basically took this.

Speaker 2: 29:58

Can you explain me can you also offer this talk about where it came from? Because that's really cool because I'm from South Africa. Yeah. And when I found out it's like Zulu

Speaker 1: 30:06

tribe. Zulu tribe. Yes.

Speaker 2: 30:08

Okay. Go ahead.

Speaker 1: 30:08

So it was I'll I'll just go ahead and talk about this because it connects to what the knowing field is. But, yeah, the Zulu tribe and actually, like, working with the ancestors, in this kind of, like, ceremonial way, isn't just limited to, like, the Zulus. It's something that Native Americans did, the Aborigines. They all have these ceremonies practices of calling in the energy or the souls of their ancestors to to help them and support them and bring about healing. But there was a German missionary who was also a psychotherapist, who went and spent time with the Zulus and observed this practice.

Speaker 1: 30:53

And he was doing, you know, family therapy, and he thought, wow. This will be amazing to bring back. So he took, you know, kind of, like, what he had done in his therapy practice and what he observed the tribe doing to work with the energy of the ancestors and took that back and kinda created family constellations from that blend. But I think he coined the term it's Bert Hellinger is his name, and he coined the knowing field as just this energetic field that exists beyond space and time. Because to be able to to step in and access that energy of people who are no longer here or to go back to your childhood.

Speaker 1: 31:38

We have to be able to go beyond the here and now. And that's just it's that energetic space that we're holding when we ask people to stand in and represent family members or different parts of any system. And the field is really a part of the constellation. It's supporting you. It's giving you access to things that you would never be able to know or understand otherwise.

Speaker 1: 32:06

Like you said, these people had no knowledge of your family.

Speaker 2: 32:09

And when I stepped into, I was asked to be some someone's representative, and they didn't tell me who I was supposed to represent. They just asked me if I would represent. And as soon as I stepped into that role, I could feel my heart chakra opening. I could feel I obviously was still I was still there, but I could feel this energy of someone or or what this person feels towards the person I'm, that was in front of me that I was supposed to support. And I just had so much love for her, and I had, I knew what I would I had to say and do to support her to kind of move through what she needed to move through.

Speaker 2: 32:50

And, again, I would have thought this was all just actors making all of this stuff up if I wasn't able to both be in both situations. But it was just amazing to to be able to step into that and feel it in my body. Mhmm. It was it was super cool. So what does it look like when someone does it 1 on 1 with you?

Speaker 2: 33:11

What's the difference between 1 on 1 versus, like, a group session?

Speaker 1: 33:14

Yeah. So 1 on 1, we're still working within the field. Instead of having different people stand in as representatives, I either use, like, a piece of paper just to write down the name of the person. When I work virtually with people, I have, like, a little board, and we'll have, like, little objects like crystals or little animals, just like things that are kinda special, and they pick whatever they're drawn to to represent their their family members. But in those one on one situations, as the facilitator, I step in to each energy.

Speaker 1: 33:51

And you just do it one at a time, and, like, we can use the pieces of paper or those objects as representatives to look at the initial setup. Yeah. Because, like, you saw that gives you a lot of information about, like, well, who sees who? Yeah. If someone's not seen right away, you know, there's some kind of block there and there's something that happened that needs to be acknowledged.

Speaker 1: 34:15

And once we look at that setup, then I just I usually start with the client, stepping in for them, sharing what's coming up, and it's very similar to what happens with everybody. It's just different because one person's doing all of the representations. Sometimes usually, when the constellation ends, I'll have the client step in to their own energy because we've gotten to that place where they have the support of their parents behind them, and I really want them to be able to feel that. Yeah. But, yeah, that's what it is.

Speaker 1: 34:47

It's just me representing everybody.

Speaker 2: 34:51

So how I'm seeing like, how how I would explain this is we start off with how things are, and they may not they may be it's a visual representation of how you, relate to your fa your parents or the persons that you is a part of the consultation and how they relate to you. So whether that is they see you, they don't see you, they're in the right position, because like you said in the beginning, every person in the system has a position. There's 3 things. What are the 3 things? It has a a place

Speaker 1: 35:28

belonging Belonging. Order and acknowledgment. Okay. Those are three things that my teacher, taught us. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 35:35

I think that's something that she coined. I think

Speaker 2: 35:38

that was somewhere else as well.

Speaker 1: 35:39

Okay. Yeah. Those are things that just, like, have to exist for there to be harmony and to have love flowing through the system. Belonging, order, and acknowledgment.

Speaker 2: 35:48

Okay. So how I understand it is belonging means that everyone should and do should feel like they belong in the family. And so there could what I I read about all this new podcast is there could be, you know, further back, not just half of it be within your American family, but, there could be maybe an uncle that was ostracized because he was an alcoholic.

Speaker 1: 36:13

Mhmm.

Speaker 2: 36:14

Right? And then he passed away. But when you part of the DNA, part of that in your DNA because it doesn't start with you, as part of that ancestral trauma is a piece of you do not feel like you belong, but it's not necessarily because of you. It may be because of that uncle, and that was never resolved. We never talked about we don't talk about Bruno.

Speaker 2: 36:35

Right? So, like, Bruno didn't belong. Right? And so Bruno needed to belong in the family. And so once Bruno was acknowledged and brought back into the family, that family could operate much better.

Speaker 2: 36:50

Mhmm. Right? Okay. So that's belonging. Order, how I understand it is that a lot of times when you have a family or parents that are emotionally immature Mhmm.

Speaker 2: 37:05

Not able to work through their stuff, they, there's a there's there's this point in the child's life where they're kind of expected to parent the parent. Mhmm. And there that relationship is no longer within the right order Right. Because the child is the one that's parenting the parent or even, how in my situation where how it kind of shows up a lot of times, and I think a lot of people, it's the same where when you have stepped into more abundance or, like, making more money than some of your family members, there is that, like, misalignment between your your financial situation and your parents and then your supporting your parents versus the other way around. So that's an there's a few examples.

Speaker 2: 37:57

Yeah. Are there other any others that you have seen?

Speaker 1: 38:01

Yes. So and this this is where, like, order and acknowledgment kind of play dual roles. But, I think, like, just our generation is probably the first that feels, like, really safe and more open to talk about miscarriages, to talk about abortion, to talk about lost children, whatever that looks like. But before us, that was really, like, hush-hush. Kept secret.

Speaker 1: 38:27

It was a source of shame. But those children also have a place in that family system. So let's say that you have 3 kids that are alive, and they're saying, well, I'm the oldest. I'm the middle. I'm the youngest.

Speaker 1: 38:44

I came first. You came second. I came third. Well, that would be something that's out of order because let's say that the mom had a miscarriage before she ever had the first child, that would be the first child. So it really shifts the order.

Speaker 2: 38:59

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 38:59

And that's something that will come up a lot in Constellation just so that child has their proper place and everyone is in right order.

Speaker 2: 39:09

And then belonging as well and acknowledgment. Mhmm. Because that child needs to be acknowledged Yeah. Because we don't speak of it. The parents do not was interesting for me when I I went back home to South Africa, in the February beginning February, and I was trying to make a family tree.

Speaker 2: 39:26

And a lot of there was a lot of miscarriages, lot of, infant death at the time, like, you know, sins and things like that. And I couldn't really get information about these children that were a few months old when they died. Like, no one wanted to talk about it them. No one, you know, even could remember what they were named. And it is interesting when we we start looking at your family tree and the lack of information that there is, especially for, you know, children that passed away or, you know, older however big your family is.

Speaker 2: 40:00

So why do you what have you seen the biggest, like, shift has been, like, transformation from clients that you've worked with?

Speaker 1: 40:10

Oh gosh. So many things. I have seen people similar to me, like, receive a consolation and be able to finally let go of abusive relationships or relationships that just aren't serving their utmost well-being. I have seen people work within their paternal line and have these, like, massive shifts in abundance and really, like, feel empowered to step into the career that they really feel is their purpose and let go of, like, all of this worldly conditioning, and then do really well in it. I have seen, clients who had almost, like, no relationship with their parent, like, have that parent call them for the first time in a really long time after a constellation.

Speaker 1: 41:14

And, of course, the parent had no idea. Yeah. But it's just those things that work underneath the surface that I mean, we can't really explain how it happened, but I know and the client knows that it had something to do with that constellation. But just, like, opening up major opportunities for the client and bringing, like, massive healing to them. Because those family ones, I mean, they run

Speaker 2: 41:40

deep. You can't really really step into your sole purpose unless you start like, once you you can, but not in fullness if you still have those wounds. Because energetically, those wounds are places where you're leaking energy. You're not going to be able to kind of alchemize and be your, you know, full power because of those wounds that are there.

Speaker 1: 42:02

Mhmm.

Speaker 2: 42:03

Okay. So where can people find you? What's your what's your Instagram website? Let's chat about that a little bit.

Speaker 1: 42:11

So on Instagram, I am coach lollipop

Speaker 2: 42:15

I love it.

Speaker 1: 42:15

Which is an old nickname. And then my business is called The Connection Coach. The e in connection is actually a 3. It represents the integration of mind, body, and soul. Mhmm.

Speaker 1: 42:30

But that's my website. It's www.the connection coach.com.

Speaker 2: 42:34

And you see people both online and in person?

Speaker 1: 42:37

Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 42:38

Do you have anything coming up? Any, you know, things you're launching right now? What are you working on?

Speaker 1: 42:44

So I am trying to do monthly constellation workshops in this month. Actually, in just a little over a week. I'm doing a collaboration where I'm gonna be facilitating the family constellations, but there's also going to be yoga, some energy healing with a Reiki practitioner, and then a sound bath at the end. So that's gonna be really nice. And then I have I have tried, like, so many different ways to create this space for mother wound healing.

Speaker 2: 43:17

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:19

And all of it has worked out okay, but I'm trying to find the thing that feels most aligned for me while also, like, making it as inclusive as possible. Just, like, really making it accessible to people. So I don't know when I'm gonna launch it, but, like, it is in the works. I'm gonna have, like, a, basically, like, a collective, an online collective where we meet twice a month, and then they'll have access to all of these resources through our membership.

Speaker 2: 43:51

That's awesome.

Speaker 1: 43:51

And I

Speaker 2: 43:52

don't know what

Speaker 1: 43:52

I'm gonna call it yet, but I just I know that there's such a need for mother wound healing. I mentioned that at the beginning. And I love holding space and sharing whatever insights and wisdom I can to help women through the through their own journeys with that. So, yeah, that's what I'm creating is, like, this community where I can bring it all together and make it pretty accessible for people.

Speaker 2: 44:15

I love that. Well, we'll have to come back to talk about the mother wound. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 44:18

For sure. I'd love to.

Speaker 2: 44:20

I really wanna you know, that's something that's close to my heart, and I do agree. I think that's something that a lot of people, women and men, in different ways deal with and can can can support would be great for that.

Speaker 1: 44:34

Anything else you wanted to share? No. I think that's it. We've talked about so many fun and juicy things.

Speaker 2: 44:39

I know so much. I'll be I'll put all your details in the, in the notes for the podcast, but thank you so much for coming. No.

Speaker 1: 44:47

Thank you for having me. Oh my gosh.